Dad issues

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OVER beer and sisig, a top Makati executive, a friend from my elementary days, revealed his helplessness over a daughter who attracts all the wrong kinds of boyfriends and, yep, a girlfriend.

One late night, one such “bad-boy type” boyfriend brought the daughter home aboard his car and that should have been something good, right?

Right, except that when my friend got out of the house and opened the gates, he was stumped that his daughter and the boyfriend, whom he suspected were making out, did not get out the car.

So, the frazzled executive trained his flashlight into the car and started approaching it. Lo and behold, the car’s engine roared to life and the vehicle sped off, with the daughter still aboard.

Stranger than fiction

That could have been a scene from the Fast and Furious — a boyfriend fast enough to escape an irate dad, and a dad furious enough to kill someone with a baseball bat while singing the Ramones’ “Beat on the brat.”

Or it could have been taken  straight from a coming-of-age movie. Let’s move the narrative forward though. Enough digression.

My friend said he gave chase with his own car but having lost the young lovers, his blood boiled after finding out that the valiant boyfriend dropped his daughter kilometers away from his house on a dimly lit street.

Naturally, the “package” being dropped off the road stopped the chase.

Sans balls

Such are many teenage boys and young men these days — guys who go about without a pair of balls between their legs. These are the spineless sorry excuses for males whose idea of courtship is to text their quarries and then wait for them to come out of the house.

You’d say that it’s a girl problem  too because in the case of dalliances between a boy and a girl, it takes two to tango. A boy can only go so far up to the point a girl allows him to go.

Likewise, it may be argued to be a parenting issue also because parents who have set high enough standards would have instilled into the minds of their children the do’s and don’ts of courtships and relationships.

Umm, yeah, in theory that should be it. Parents teach children right from wrong and everything’s kosher — there’d be no need for parents to guard them to ensure they toe the line.

Goody, goody

But that’s at the core of the issue between parents and children in this day and age when peer pressures and the Internet really encourage the latter to rebel against parental authority even when dad and mom are not even that strict.

For me, it’s simple really. Until such time the kids have flown the nest and have become self-supporting adults, they have to follow house rules or dad will have to shed his goody guy image. They cannot be eating our food and then bite the hands that feed them.

Anyway, do you know the antidote to a bad-boy type boyfriend? A badboy type dad who, by just looking at a recalcitrant suitor or boyfriend, can send the message loud and clear.

And what message is that? That dad can wring boyfriend’s neck with his own hands. And no, no need to clean the gun to emphasize the point; that is so 80s. Grow your own guns to be able to back your words with actions.

Paraphrase Stallone this way: “You are the DISEASE and I am the CURE!”

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